Sneak Peak

Beautiful Surrender

If you ask me, fall is the most glorious and splendid season of the year...

The trees simply glow with their vibrant colors and it's as if they are alight with joy

I am also struck that fall is really a season of surrender, have you ever noticed it?

Such splendor for the leaves impending death?!

If only to surrender the things in my life with the incredible splendor and grace of a maple tree, 

or an oak

as they prepare to face the coldness and hardship of winter.

Do we see a time of loss or a time of suffering coming as a time to become beautiful

or do we see it as something to fear?

I pray that I may face trials like a lovely maple tree

gracefully, knowing that what is ahead is for my best.

That in the seemingly barren time ahead there will be time for my 

roots to grow, and time to be watered deeply.

That even though perhaps the weight of the snows to come might make me anxious

they are truly a burden that will be for my good

allowing me to grow in new and better ways.

A trial free life is an empty life;

lacking depth and character that can be gained from only one source

In the comforting hands of my Father in Heaven.

But a life surrendered in splendor to the Lord and the ways that threaten to pierce us through;

it will grow and strengthen and eventually rise up as a pillar of light shining one 

incredible truth:

The God that created it, is loving and kind and joins in our sufferings.

He is not aloof and indifferent but actually holding us through it.

He suffered and He died,

FOR grace

and He rose in splendor and conquered death.

and I pray that in some small way that truth would be ALL that people would see through

the struggles of a perfectly sinful woman who loves Him with all of her 

crooked but graciously forgiven heart!

Rejoice in the Lord always. Again I say, rejoice!  Let everyone see your gentleness. The Lord is near! Do not be anxious about anything. Instead, in every situation, through prayer and petition with thanksgiving, tell your requests to God.  And the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.

 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is worthy of respect, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if something is excellent or praiseworthy, think about these things.

~Phillipians 4:4-8~

My warrior

My warrior

He fights every single day, 

Seizures, Asthma, Autism, Sensory Input

He fights

and he is marvelous and amazing!

A year ago when he had to have his appendix removed

I brought him Bentley the dog.

He and Bentley have been inseparable since.

Anytime we have to go to the dr for a scary test or he has to be away from me for a time

Bentley goes too and he keeps all the kisses that my Bean has for me and then
Bentley delivers them later.

And now... this kid who wasn't going to live past 3 months old

He is 10 and I am blessed beyond words to still have him with me. 

Family portraits sneak peak

Superman

Today I have an amazing guest post by this little guy's mama!

Both she and her superman are AMAZING!

Enjoy... Along with a few pictures from the session I did with him last week.

Every word is true, his smile lifted my straight out of the pits while dealing with the grief from

new diagnosis for my own special needs kiddos!

I LOVE this boy!

“Superman!”  

13 month old James Jr loves to pose like superman. He doesn’t know yet how much he holds in common with Superman. Not only has he overcome many obstacles, he is a guy who continually brings good to those around him. His smile can brighten the darkest moments. He goes through trial after trial with little to no crying or fussing, but smiles readily instead. He teaches me that we have a choice to make daily….smile or frown, joy or grumbling.  

Baby James has Down syndrome.  

He was born prematurely, at under 3 lbs. He stayed in the NICU 11 hours from his adoptive family, sometimes going 10 days without his mama (me). He is brave and resilient. He has many health issues and the state classifies him as “medically fragile”. He has had 185 doctor appointments or hospitalizations in the last year. He has been on oxygen round the clock his entire life. He has had one complicated surgery and is facing another. He has had more tests, x-rays, echos, etc, than I can count. But if you look at him and spend time with him, you won’t notice those things. You’ll notice his laugh, you’ll notice how he gazes and watches everything, how quickly he learns, how happy he is. You’ll notice how much he loves his siblings. You’ll notice how he’s almost crawling. You would never know that most of his specialists didn’t think he was going to survive to one year old! You would not know that he is still fighting for his life…he looks so vibrant and full of life! This little guy is a fighter. He’s fought harder than most of us ever will, but he does so with smiles and a genuine enjoyment of life. He makes these trials easier for those around him, too.

Being a special needs mom is tougher than I thought it would be, but it’s also more rewarding. I get to celebrate really small milestones I never noticed in my biological kids. I get to see miracles happen (literally!). I get to be shaped to be more selfless and more like my Father in Heaven. I get to see what it’s like to be at the bottom, powerless to do anything else, and be lifted back up, renewed and refreshed, just by asking “where are you, Lord?” and hearing, “I’m here.” And realizing just the fact that He is with me is enough. God is enough. I may not be enough for today, but my God sweeps in like “superman” and rescues me. He rescues my children when I’m empty and just need a minute to sit and stare blankly outside. He rescues me by keeping them from destroying each other while I spend the 10th hour that week on the phone with some specialist or provider for James. God is enough.

James is worth it all. I would never go back. I would never trade his life to make mine easier. I am so blessed to fight alongside him and see what God does.

James 1:2-4 2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

For those of you who know families with children who have special needs, I encourage you to step out from time to time and offer a meal, baby sitting, housework, rides for the other kids to get somewhere, etc. The extras the parents face can be overwhelming. It’s really a lot more on their plate than you would think. Also, know that we often don’t know what help we need. We are continually going, going, going. We don’t even know how to take a break anymore. But we need time to invest in our marriages and in our other children as well. Pray for us. Help where you can. Build us up with encouraging words, not criticisms. If you have gone through a similar situation, offer suggestions of what we can ask/advocate for. We sometimes don’t know what to do next, but we know something needs to be done. If you don’t have experience, though, be careful how you phrase suggestions. They can bite.  

Without James Jr, I would never know how blessed it have become an adoptive mom, or how blessed it is to be a special needs mom. The community of other special needs parents, siblings, and children are beyond uplifting! They are treasures, they are breaths of life. They are some of the most amazing people you will ever meet. How wonderful that I can be a part of that group! How wonderful God chose me to be James Jr’s mom. I hope when you see me, you don’t see how tired I am, but you’ll see how full of joy I am to be where I am. There is nothing quite as good as the life God has given us! See our smiles and know they are genuine because of what God is doing in and through us. Thank you for praying. Please continue to pray for us all.  

Our life is “super”!

Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday Catalina Marie... You are six today and I often wonder if you know, if in some small way you remember the love that you received that beautiful night six years ago as I held you in my arms.

 You are mine and yet you are not mine. I pray for you every day beautiful girl. I pray that you are safe, that the Lord shields your heart from the life you are living I pray that you will grow up with a gentle, kind and forgiving heart and that you will rest in Him every single step of the way.

 My heart bleeds for you,  I know that His plan for your life was not for me to mother you more than one precious night, but know sweet one, I mother you in my prayers every single day.  You changed me forever and it's a change I'd never ever give up for anything.  I love you.  I miss you and I watch for you everywhere I go...

I love you

Beautiful Baby Girl