move forward Church...

I'm upset. 

Now, upset is putting it quite mildly. 

I'm upset with the way that our country as a whole cares for orphans

We generally suck.

Yep, I just said that.

Church, you have got to wake up;

you have got to step in and take the care of these precious fragile children back.

It's our job

Seriously, I hear all the time "well I just don't know how that would work"

Guess what; me either, 

but how about we stop scratching our heads and

figure it out

and do it before yet another child falls into state custody.

I get it, they try... sorta, but the truth is, they lie a lot too.

They don't believe in telling the truth, believe me... 

we've been there and we've been asked to lie. 

Thankfully the Lord interfered with the social workers best plans and 

prevented us from being expected to lie to our daughter.

But I still feel appalled that we were even asked to lie to her.

We need to really figure out from a biblical perspective HOW to reach out

to these hurting, traumatized children and show them 

REAL

unconditional love. 

Not just, hey you live here until you screw up to big; and then we'll move you again.

No, these kids need parents who are TRAINED, not warned and scared

but actually trained how to parent these kids

to understand the manipulation and lies and rages that comes from them

and meet them in a correct way to help these kids learn to heal.

Not this garbage of saying "well, it's not their fault" blah blah blah...

We HAVE got to prepare foster and adoptive families better church, 

we need to get our backsides into gear and support those who are called to adopt better.

Educate ourselves so that we too can see the manipulation and stand alongside

the families that have taken on a seemingly insurmountable task.

 it CAN be done, it just requires a whole lot of sacrifice on our part.

we have to give up the "american dream" so to speak, because life after trauma

is not an easy polished pretty picture on your wall.

It's hours upon hours; years upon years

 of agonizing and processing and repeating the same lessons

and forgiveness and love

over and over again with a huge possibility of no return ever.

But it's worth it...

Please Church, wake up, start taking this back over.

I'm not going to lie, it will be one of the hardest things you do

but redemption though costly bloody and ugly is the most beautiful thing in this entire world...

Remember, you've been redeemed through Christ...

now turn around and be 

His hands and feet the children who need to

be given the same? 

I don't have all the answers, but there ARE Christians out there who ARE figuring this out

need resources? 

Here are a few:

The Forgotten Initiative 

(which I am a coordinator for, so feel free to shoot any questions my way!) 

The Bair Foundation

Adoption Assistance Agency

Anything by Karyn Purvis is a great tool

Empowered to connect

I'm partway through reading a book that I also find helpful from a biblical perspective:

Parenting the Difficult Child

A biblical perspective on reactive attachment disorder

What is love?

I often have occasion hear from and read the frustrations of many foster and adoptive parents;

Many of them complain that they just can't feel the LOVE for this child who is rallying every

single last frustrating, disgusting and or dangerous behavior as a coping mechanism against them.

I totally get it

I do, but I guess I see love differently than most.

Love isn't warm fuzzy feelings, or incredible adoration for your child.

Love, true love is so much more than this;

I guess I see it as a commitment rather than an emotion

and if you commit yourself to act out love

eventually you WILL feel it too,

But it's just not always possible to conjure those type of "emotions". 

I look at the biblical definition of love and I don't see warm squishy there;

I just see actions and behaviors that should be mine in order to accurately display true love. 

 Love is patient, love is kind, it is not envious. Love does not brag, it is not puffed up.  It is not rude, it is not self-serving, it is not easily angered or resentful.  It is not glad about injustice, but rejoices in the truth.  It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.  Love never ends. 

~1 Corinthians 13:4-8~

Yep, not seeing "happy feelings" there.

The truth is, when you are loving even the most lovable person

I mean REALLY loving them

It's impossible to do, but it's important to keep fighting to do it and the only way

we can even imperfectly keep it up is through the Lord's strength.

Because the real truth is:

I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content in any circumstance.  I have experienced times of need and times of abundance. In any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of contentment, whether I go satisfied or hungry, have plenty or nothing.  I am able to do all things through the one who strengthens me.

~Philippians 4:11-13

I want to love, I want to say I'm always patient with the difficult behaviors.

But truth is, I'm human, and fallen and sometimes

 I AM "easily angered" when the attack is SO personal and painful,

sometimes I feel "self serving" I'd seriously like just ONE day without _______ behavior.

Sometimes I catch myself constantly on guard and expecting the worst;

But the Lord asks that I would bear all things, believe all things, hope all things

yep even endure all things. 

OUCH!

But if my hope rests solely in Christ, who strengthens me

I CAN do all His holy will.

Including TRUELY love someone who is at times can be VERY difficult to love.

Superman

Today I have an amazing guest post by this little guy's mama!

Both she and her superman are AMAZING!

Enjoy... Along with a few pictures from the session I did with him last week.

Every word is true, his smile lifted my straight out of the pits while dealing with the grief from

new diagnosis for my own special needs kiddos!

I LOVE this boy!

“Superman!”  

13 month old James Jr loves to pose like superman. He doesn’t know yet how much he holds in common with Superman. Not only has he overcome many obstacles, he is a guy who continually brings good to those around him. His smile can brighten the darkest moments. He goes through trial after trial with little to no crying or fussing, but smiles readily instead. He teaches me that we have a choice to make daily….smile or frown, joy or grumbling.  

Baby James has Down syndrome.  

He was born prematurely, at under 3 lbs. He stayed in the NICU 11 hours from his adoptive family, sometimes going 10 days without his mama (me). He is brave and resilient. He has many health issues and the state classifies him as “medically fragile”. He has had 185 doctor appointments or hospitalizations in the last year. He has been on oxygen round the clock his entire life. He has had one complicated surgery and is facing another. He has had more tests, x-rays, echos, etc, than I can count. But if you look at him and spend time with him, you won’t notice those things. You’ll notice his laugh, you’ll notice how he gazes and watches everything, how quickly he learns, how happy he is. You’ll notice how much he loves his siblings. You’ll notice how he’s almost crawling. You would never know that most of his specialists didn’t think he was going to survive to one year old! You would not know that he is still fighting for his life…he looks so vibrant and full of life! This little guy is a fighter. He’s fought harder than most of us ever will, but he does so with smiles and a genuine enjoyment of life. He makes these trials easier for those around him, too.

Being a special needs mom is tougher than I thought it would be, but it’s also more rewarding. I get to celebrate really small milestones I never noticed in my biological kids. I get to see miracles happen (literally!). I get to be shaped to be more selfless and more like my Father in Heaven. I get to see what it’s like to be at the bottom, powerless to do anything else, and be lifted back up, renewed and refreshed, just by asking “where are you, Lord?” and hearing, “I’m here.” And realizing just the fact that He is with me is enough. God is enough. I may not be enough for today, but my God sweeps in like “superman” and rescues me. He rescues my children when I’m empty and just need a minute to sit and stare blankly outside. He rescues me by keeping them from destroying each other while I spend the 10th hour that week on the phone with some specialist or provider for James. God is enough.

James is worth it all. I would never go back. I would never trade his life to make mine easier. I am so blessed to fight alongside him and see what God does.

James 1:2-4 2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

For those of you who know families with children who have special needs, I encourage you to step out from time to time and offer a meal, baby sitting, housework, rides for the other kids to get somewhere, etc. The extras the parents face can be overwhelming. It’s really a lot more on their plate than you would think. Also, know that we often don’t know what help we need. We are continually going, going, going. We don’t even know how to take a break anymore. But we need time to invest in our marriages and in our other children as well. Pray for us. Help where you can. Build us up with encouraging words, not criticisms. If you have gone through a similar situation, offer suggestions of what we can ask/advocate for. We sometimes don’t know what to do next, but we know something needs to be done. If you don’t have experience, though, be careful how you phrase suggestions. They can bite.  

Without James Jr, I would never know how blessed it have become an adoptive mom, or how blessed it is to be a special needs mom. The community of other special needs parents, siblings, and children are beyond uplifting! They are treasures, they are breaths of life. They are some of the most amazing people you will ever meet. How wonderful that I can be a part of that group! How wonderful God chose me to be James Jr’s mom. I hope when you see me, you don’t see how tired I am, but you’ll see how full of joy I am to be where I am. There is nothing quite as good as the life God has given us! See our smiles and know they are genuine because of what God is doing in and through us. Thank you for praying. Please continue to pray for us all.  

Our life is “super”!

Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday Catalina Marie... You are six today and I often wonder if you know, if in some small way you remember the love that you received that beautiful night six years ago as I held you in my arms.

 You are mine and yet you are not mine. I pray for you every day beautiful girl. I pray that you are safe, that the Lord shields your heart from the life you are living I pray that you will grow up with a gentle, kind and forgiving heart and that you will rest in Him every single step of the way.

 My heart bleeds for you,  I know that His plan for your life was not for me to mother you more than one precious night, but know sweet one, I mother you in my prayers every single day.  You changed me forever and it's a change I'd never ever give up for anything.  I love you.  I miss you and I watch for you everywhere I go...

I love you

it's our job to believe it.

"I hate you, your not my mom and you love Chocolate Curls more than you love me."

 I stood in my tracks, frozen. It felt like someone had just slashed through my heart and cut to bits everything that I am. But it wasn't just someone, it was my daughter. My own child screaming at me and I was wounded beyond words. So deeply that I couldn't speak or breathe. This wasn't just a childish tantrum, the truth is, she believed what she said.

 I quietly directed the other kids to make their way back to the house, to which they all clung to me and began to cry. They didn't want to leave me on the mountain, but I couldn't come. It was obvious that she wasn't budging and the snow was beginning to fall. My babies needed to be safe inside the house with their big brothers.

 As they descended the mountain I quietly sat down and fought tears while my angry bitter child started stacking rocks and sticks and muttering to herself. I prayed hard, prayed like I'd never prayed. We were only days away from our court date and making her a legal part of our family, but my heart it had been sold out to her a full year before.

 I'd already been rejected, and I knew as I sat there with snowflakes swirling around me, I'd be rejected again as well. How does a child love and trust when she's never truly been loved and had only been taught that trust is something that is broken and foolish?

 We sat for what felt like an eternity and eventually we descended the mountain to the warmth of the house.  That day the same talk was had, that had already been had and would be had over and over again.

 You are loved, you can trust and I'm going to prove it... Being loved isn't based on how good you are, how clean you keep your room or on how you look. This love, we chose to give it to you, not for anything you can do or be, but because you are our daughter and we chose you.

 Over and over these words have been repeated in our home, and they will continue to be.

 Then, not to long ago I found myself on my knees. "Lord, I don't know why you put up with me, I continually blow it. How is it that you have entrusted these children to ME. I don't deserve them, I don't deserve any of this responsibility you've given me. I am not good enough!" Truth is, I believed what I said.

 Suddenly like a bolt of lightning, it struck me. I was that same child, chosen and adopted and wholly loved but refusing to believe it. Putting a knife in the heart of my Father.

 Instead of believing Him when He says I am washed white as snow, that I AM the pearl of great worth He sought out. That I am treasured and dearly loved I too was lying about the VERY heart of my God. How it must pierce Him to the core when His children reject the truth He has given them. That He sees us not as the mess that we are, but as His children, beautiful and perfect and covered by His one and only Son. That there is NOTHING that WE can do to make Him love us anymore, we can't earn it; it's just a gift, pure and simple.

 Today, remember who you are in Christ, you aren't the mess that you are in, you aren't the mistakes you are making... You are chosen and dearly loved.

 The Lord your God is in your midst;
he is a warrior who can deliver.
He takes great delight in you;
he renews you by his love;
he shouts for joy over you.”

~Zephaniah 3:17~ 

A plea from my heart...

Can I throw something out into the open

I am 100% pro life

I believe that each precious life growing within the womb is valuable

and that God has purpose for them.

I also believe that in order to be truly pro life

you MUST also be pro adoption.

YOU MUST

You cannot be for one and then not for the other

because adoption is the only answer for some of these children

I also believe that you must actively participate in both causes.

John 14:18

"I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you."

This of course is Jesus talking to His disciples, but it is an example we are to follow.

James 1:27

Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father,

is this: to visit orphans and windows in their affliction, and to keep oneself

unstained from the world.

Religion, most people cringe at that word, I do as well... Because I believe I have a 

relationship with my Savior, not a religion, but you know what, the religion part is what

stems from having that relationship... My actions reflect my relationship hence; Religion.

I know, heavy statement.

Heavier than most people can begin to imagine.

Here is the truth, unless you can provide an answer for a problem,

it's worthless to complain about it.

We should support those women who find themselves in a crisis pregnancy

not just until they give birth, or get a job, or whatever might help

but for always; we MUST stand alongside single moms if they will allow it.

But the truth is, some of these women cannot or should not raise children.

We cannot condemn them for their circumstances, but we can come in

and provide for those children who become orphaned.

With 3 adopted children, who each have such incredibly different stories

I have come to see so many angles of adoption 

but the one over arching thing I see is that God is PRO adoption.

It's how He loves us...

and it's a huge part of how He solves the abortion problem.

We MUST take part in it in order to truly be FOR it.

Now, I'm not saying everyone is called to adopt,

because not everyone is.

But everyone who is pro life must be also pro adoption

Let me tell you, there are people who should not be parents.

People who do more harm than good

People who make foolish choices and break the hearts of children.

But God redeems and God is good

He is pro adoption.

Be part of the solution

how?

Here is how:

1. Pray... pray pray pray pray... Pray for these children, both unborn and born who are 

alone and orphaned.

2. Support adoptive families, this is NOT for the faint of heart and takes every last 

ounce of all the adoptive parents have to give and then some.

FILL those parents up!

3. Support those parenting alone

4. Donate, help out agencies & families & orphan care

5. take classes to understand the complexities of what these children in our

 foster care system are facing. (yes, even if you have NO intention of adopting)

6. Consider adoption;
but don't go in with blinders on, this is the REAL stuff folks, there will always
be grief in adoption no matter when or how it happens;
because for there to be the need, there has been a loss.
If the child is older, there WILL be trauma. They will ALL act out
on the loss and trauma at some point or another and they will wrestle.
You can't allow yourself to be disgusted or over-reactive to ANYTHING... 

a little of life...

I just never know what to blog anymore...

Things are never EASY street around here, but they are good.

God is Good!

The battle rages on for our Princess Sparkles heart

many times things are great

but every now and then that ugly PTSD rears it's head and we spend weeks 

fighting through the trauma and the ugly results of 

adults sinning in unimaginable ways.

But God is Good! 

He has such a beautiful plan for her

He has her heart, even in the hard and the awful He has her

She should be a shell of a person folks, 

but she has such a deep joy in her spirit and she loves Jesus.

There is NO way I can describe to you what her simple childlike faith

does for mine

God is Good

and He carried her through the unthinkable!!!

Bean's health continues to go down hill,

he struggles to breathe again every day

seizures, meds, pain, 

ugly it's all ugly

and yet

God is Good

Explained but not defined...

Many labels lay within our home

labels aren't enemies, they are helpful explanations

But above all, those explanations do not define 

who and what we are.

They give us our starting point to become all that the Lord

has for us to become as lights shining for His glory in this fallen world.

I start afresh on a new blogging journey... 

On this new blog I will share with you

encouragement and examples from my own walk with the Lord

the every day REAL life of a wife and mom

who lives with Hashimotos thyroiditis causing hypothyroidism

and chronic back pain.

A mom to 7 kids

Some adopted, some biological

ALL my own 

A mom to some seriously special kiddos 

with Autism, Sensory processing Disorder and a variety

of other cognitive and learning disabilities.

We've struggled through, asthma, epilepsy and more...

A mom with a seriously tender heart who has learned

how to stand up and advocate.

oh and I am and an artist... 

Photography is my happy place.

Welcome to our new blog home

where I hope to share with you how every day we are being explained

but not defined by the diagnosis we've been given

Because our definition is this:

Therefore we have been buried with

 Him through baptism into death, 

so that as Christ was raised from the 

dead through the glory of the Father,

 so we too might walk in newness of life.

~Romans 6:4~